Face-to-Face (Calabus -testing)

Have you ever sat down and looked at yourself in the mirror and thought, I am one of a kind? I am unique? Special? Or do you look at yourself and rub your chin thinking man is that really me in there or is this an illusion and I am gonna be something totally different when I wake up?

You do the former and never have done the latter? You asking if I am high or drunk? Well I do drink and smoke here and there. I will also admit I have done drugs and I am not afraid to try some new shit, but uh...I am quite clean and sober for the time being, so you don't have to worry about me hallucinating from that. Nah see. My mind up here? It is aware that this me is not the first me. No I think this is perhaps the 5th me.

I think the first me was a chick that ran some form of inn in a city I guess was called Enydimon. I am not even sure what the fuck that is honestly. Anyway, that me lasted a few weeks and I think this body of mine belonged to someone named Gemini? I....I am honestly not sure. Anyway, those two disappeared into the Void and for a long time there was no me....but then I was born as this little cat rabbit thing and was like with some bird thing and pink dragon thing. This form of me lasted like that for a hot second and then changed again into some fox like thing with spines that was with a red dragon in some snow. Then that me disappeared and now the me that is now exists came to be.

It is insanity, but I am telling you there were other mes before this. All of them with the same name: Calabus. So it makes me wonder as I look at myself in mirror up and down, is this the final me and the only me? Or am I too a thing for the Void to change and devour? Heh. Probably best not to think about that one. Alright heading outside now to breathe. Let's see if I don't vanish before I am out the door. At least I know my name will stay. Oh and what is that name you ask? The one I mentioned before: My name is Calabus.


He'd close his journal and place it back on the shelf before spinning around in his computer chair and getting up and stretching feeling much better now that that insanity was out of his head. Looking over at his wall clock he saw that he had about thirty minutes to get his butt to a particular spot in Junction for a face-to-face meeting with his online boyfriend. It was strange really how this all happened.  

He had met the guy through some online group site he was on and for whatever reason they had begun speaking to each other one-on-one through private chats. It became a daily occurrence, chatting with the guy that is and he guess over time, he grew attached to him and in the end asked him out. Was this a bad idea? Dating someone over the internet? Maybe. There was the off chance that all the information the guy had given him was fake. The guy could've been some old dude hiding behind fake pictures and weaving stories to make him trust over the last 2 or so months he had been dating this guy online.

There was a number of ways this could end, but that is exactly why he was doing the most uncomfortable thing for himself right now: He was leaving to meet this guy face-to-face. On one hand, he was excited to finally meet the person he had been speaking to all this time face-to-face. It would actually be nice to be able to physically see and maybe even hug this person he really liked and got along with. However, on the other hand, he was dreading the idea that this was all a lie and he was about to be disappointed. And even worse than that? Anxiety of having to interact with another face-to-face.

There was a reason he stayed insidemost of the time and only went out when he needed to buy food or something. Inside was safe you know? But he couldn't exist forever behind closed doors so.... Here was to actually doing something different. Yay? Oh god he was going to die. Okay. Okay breathe. Right.

Fiddling nervously with a button on his jacket, he would look himself over in the mirror and then nodding and accepting that this was the best he was going to look, he headed out the door and went to the station.

A tram ride or two later he made it to the Commercial Ward and after some walking to the cafe they were suppose to meet at. Looking around nervously he didn't see who he was meant to meet yet, but then again he was 10 minutes early so maybe that was why.

Digging out his phone, he would scroll to find the picture of the guy he was looking for taking in the details one last time before placing the phone away and shoving his hands in his pocket. He would look around again trying to pretend he was taking in the sights versus being an awkward stick in the world that honestly wanted to retreat back home. Man he prayed this was worth it...

He continued to look around the area having enough sense to move off to the side to keep out of the way of crowds and traffic milling about. He would nervously check his watch his mismatched nails of red and blue clicking softly together with nerves as he shoved his hand back in his pocket and played with the key chain there. The meeting was still a few minutes away, but the longer he waited the more he wished the meeting would already happen.

He was on the edge of a panic attack honestly, the hustle and bustle of the area making him want to bolt towards the nearest hole he could find to escape it all. He wasn't used to this. No. His life style and his job were geared towards avoiding people most of the time. He stayed at home in his free time behind his computer and when he did work he did most work away from customers with only a few occasions happening where he had to come out of the back office and stock rooms to help with an electronic issue or actually watch the cashier of the typically quiet and old gaming shop. When he was watching the cashier, he prayed that no customers would come bother him and stay content browsing or playing the machines scattered around the place. It was a nightmare trying to deal with customers even if he did pull it off well and appeared calm and friendly.

It was bad, his issues. He knew that and accept that it wouldn't be an easy fix, but even so he sometimes wished he could just toss the issue away and like just be chilled for once instead of this overloaded bundle of nerves he was now. He was gonna pay big time for this when he was back home and his body relaxed. Pain City. It was a guarantee after all this...even more so since the tension only intensified the longer he was alone and waiting.

When he suddenly had company, the young man would jump slightly as his attention snapped to who was talking to him and immediately found himself face-to-face with the expected and not expected. He would hesitated for a second as he looked at the face and the guy before him....so the pictures only lied in the fact that the guy was even more good looking in person, huh? Intere--wait a minute. Staring. Bad!

The shorter and paler of the pair would blink as he looked away after what felt like an eterinity his strange eyes locking on the drink instead.

"Um..,S-sure Thanks," he would say his voice more of a nervous mumble as he took the drink and eyed it a bit with narrowed eyes trying to figure out what it was. Then figuring he might seem rude, he would try to hold the drink naturally and appear more or less relaxed as he looked back at the guy. "S-so umm.." He would pause to clear his throat and also to speak a bit more normally versus this sad excuse of a whisper he had going on. "Your name is Crow, right?" he would ask with a small smile.

Oh goddess, help me. Help me please, please not fuck this up.

The staring contest was an interesting one while the shorter of the two was distracted by the face before him. He didn't react to the staring back for the moment, but as soon as he caught himself and realized what he was doing that is when the internal panic kicked in and he had to do everything in his power to force himself to at least look like nothing was wrong.

He took the drink easily enough; however, the sound of his voice and the nervous shifts while he was standing did hint that underneath it all he may be just falling apart. But....he would not let his panic ruin this. No he had been waiting a really long time to do this and now that he was finally doing it, he could not freeze up and run. That would be bad...Really bad and the last thing he wanted was for tall and handsome over there to have second thoughts about him and be like ummm...no and just not even continue with this dating thing.

In any case, once he got his voice more or less back to normal, he would hear the response back to his question, kind of liking the way it was presented. "How charming," he would find himself saying softly as a small smile crossed his face as he watched the guy...only for a second later to look away feeling flustered again. What was he doing? Why was he like this? Geez come on. Just relax already for fuck sake! And eh?

Calabus would blink a bit at the question as his eyes slid to the tables. "Oh. Sure," he would answer with a timid nod and then took a good five seconds to unglue his feet from the ground and move to a table for two that was in the shade of the roof of the building. Sitting down, he'd place the drink down before using his hand to push back his strange glasses and tuck a roaming strand of hair behind his ear.

“So uh...you say they call you that. Is uh...Crow a nickname? And who is they?” Well he was at least trying to talk. So yay?

"W-well you seem to do it well and naturally enough," the double horned male would say as he took notice of the smile that crossed the other's face. W-was that a good thing or....? He wasn't sure and honestly he did not have time to be pondering over that. He could ask....but if he asked then...then... The young man would shake his head a bit to clear it as he did his best to focus on his companion and the situation vs. the thoughts that sought to distract him from this moment.

Sitting down helped calm him a bit even if he would choose to sit with his back straight and his hands in his laps for now as he kept his eyes on the drink before taking a look over at the other, taking note of how relaxed he was in action and behavior. He didn't seem to be concerned about his behavior which was kind of good and worrisome. On one hand, he was happy the guy wasn't pointing out a flaw of his, but on the other hand he wondered what the guy thought of him. It made him nervous as he fiddled with his hands under he table and heard the answer to his question.

"Ah I see," he would say with a nervous twitch of the lip trying to smile before giving up on the matter as he reached for the drink and took a sip of it. It was an interesting taste causing him to tilt his head at it a bit as he sat it down on the table again. "Umm...may I ask what sort of drink this is?" He kind of couldn't place the taste at the moment.